a real post - Thought Police by Amy Maclin

Marisa needs this: Thought Police. Here are a few common cognitive distortions.

Emotional Reasoning: Conclusion based on nothing but strong feelings. ("I feel guilty - I must have done something wrong.")

Overgenarlizing: Seeing a negative event as part of an endless pattern of defeat. ("I didn't get the job. I'm such a loser. I'll never get another job again.")
...
Disqualifying the positive: Discoutning anything good as a fluke. ("That interview ent well, but soon they'll figure out I'm a fraud.")

All or nothing thinking: Looking at an issue in black-and-white terms. ("My boss didn't like an example in my report - I blew the whole thing!")

Step back and ask - what's the real world evidence that contradicts my negativism? (not your imaginative evidence!)

buying christmas gifts

I seriously am writing this blog only to get the last title to move down the page because I don't like it. It's weird. I can't tell you about buying Christmas gifts becuase then somebody would read it and know what their gifts are.

Do what you really want, follow your heart, live your dream

What should I do? You ask. And the answer is, "What you really want, what your dream is. Do what you really want to do." This question assumes a lot.

What I really want to do?

Why is it so easy to assume that I know what I really want to do?

And this message is easily mixed with contrary messages. Major in something practical in college, and follow your dream later or on the side. Then later it's -  you spent all this time and effort in this major, now you want to go do something else and throw it all away? Why, yes I sort of thought I was supposed to. I guess I misunderstood.

Do what your heart really wants. Or if you're a evangelical Christian, do what God has really called you to do.

Finding that out is half the battle. When somebody tells me that, or even worse, asks me that question, I think, Will somebody help me please?

John Acuff has a few candles of hope held out, in the form of some oddly surprising advice, considering that the book they come from is called "Quitter".

"Don't quit your day job."

Use it as a platform to launch into what you really want. What your dream is.

There it is again. Do what you really want.

Oh and by the way, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So don't waste your time on something that's not working.

Don't give up on your dream. The only one who fails is the one who gives up, or something like that.

There is one difference my life now and my life a year and a half ago. I'm not any closer to my dream, or even knowing what it is. But I have a job. And according to John Acuff, my job could be a launching pad or drawing board for my dream.

And to some of you, this sounds like a bunch of sentimental hogwash. I shouldn't have a dream or care about what it is - and if I don't know what it is why am I so worried about losing it? Maybe I should reword things for those special readers out there - I'm worried about missing what God really made me to do. He formed everyone with gifts and ways to channel his love and creativity and message to the world, and that's what I don't want to miss.

Perhaps John Acuff has it right when he says finding that is not a matter of discovery (oh the options!), but recovery (when did I know I was doing something I was supposed to? What are the hinge moments? When are the moments from my past I was doing something that stirred my deep gladness?). I threw in the word deep gladness because A. I can't remember what phrase John Acuff used and B. I pulled it from another great quote about mission, vocation and finding dreams.

"The place God calls you is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." That was Frederick Beuchner. One of my heroes.

Why am I so unlike my heroes?

don't have much to blog about

Of course I could tell you that I went and scheduled a training over our department's luncheon. So I missed most of the only festive non-work part of my job. What a bummer.

Why I'm Too Spacey for My Life

Or Maybe I'm just Too Spacey for My Life.

The other day Nate and I drove to a near by neighborhood in his cream-colored Ford Edge 2007 to look at a car. We test drove the car (a little black 97 Chevy Cavalier). When we were coming back to the neighborhood we were trying to remember which road it was that we were supposed to turn on. I tried to remember what kinds of vehicles we had parked next to as I looked down the little roads of houses and cars. I saw a Cream Colored Ford Edge 2007. "That looks like our car." I thought. "A Cream Colored Ford Edge 2007. We didn't park next to a Cream Colored Ford Edge 2007 that looks like our car, that I can remember. So I don't think this is the road."

Huh?

Dori from Nemo: "es CAH pay. Hm. That's spelled just like Escape."

Why I'm Too Spacey for My Job Part 2

Important Meeting. Lots of Important People. Introduction. How I hate Introductions. Everyone went around and said their name and title. My title? Web Content Management Coordinator. Long? A little. Too much for me to handle anyway. When my turn to came my mind blanked out as usual. "Uh. Marisa Porter. Uh. Director of Web Content Management." Oh the guffaws and snorts and laughters from my team. "What did you get a promotion?" the most vocal of the group said.

It was a web conference, so the reactions went largely unnoticed by the other company present. But not in my room. The real director - the Director of Store Communications tried to stifle a laugh and continue on in the meeting while my cooworker Amy threw her head back and laughed. Another coworker rolled her eyes and shook her head. It was hard to surpress the snickers. I bit my lips for almost ten minutes and could feel the blood rise to my face.

I'll never hear the end of it. "Be like Marisa and you can be whoever you want." People say. "She's just a coordinator but she doesn't let that stop her. Today: Director of WCM. Tomorrow: SVP of Form-making."

Why I'm Too Spacey for My Job

Subtitled: And why I pray a position in advertising opens up soon.

The assignment was to call 8 stores - four from each division, and ask if they had any problems with lotus notes related to the deployment of IE8. This all made sense Wednesday Evening when my Mr. Supervisor and Mr. Director gave me the assignment. It even made sense when Mr. Director said I should call the stores that already called the help desk since we knew they had problems.

The next morning, it did not make sense at all. "I'm not a morning person." I thought, and went to talk to the director of the home division's help desk. "Why am I calling stores that opened up tickets at the help desk? I mean if they already opened a ticket, and I call back and don't have a solution, that will just make them mad." She agreed.

So I went and talked to Mr. Director. "Why am I calling stores that opened up tickets at the help desk? I mean if they already opened a ticket, and I call back and don't have a solution, that will just make them mad?" It had worked with Help Desk Director.

Mr. Director just laughed and said, "You don't want to make the calls, do you?" Not to be thought of as trying to get out of work, I hurriedly said I had no problem with making the calls and somehow ended up back at my desk staring at my notebook, which said, "Ask the stores if they had any problems with lotus notes....etc."

I will not call help desk stores, I thought. I will only call non help desk calls.

So I made my list and chirpily called two stores from each of the four divisions. "You are on my list of stores who had their Internet Browser upgraded. Have you had a chance to use the internet yet today? Did you have any issues?"

"No issues ma'am."

"Ok thank you for your time!"

Soon the task was done and I was feeling very good about it as I sent my summary to Mr. Director and Mr. Supervisor, which included one store which said their some app was now blocked.

Mr. Director walked into my office later, thanked me for the report, and said, "So what did the stores say about lotus notes?"

How could I say that I forgot the only question I was supposed to ask them? "Fine." I said. "They're fine." After all, none of them had reported any problems with lotus notes.

Someone else's post

Cause I'm lazy and it's funny.

I feel like that workaholic parent that keeps promising things to their loving, loyal child, but is always too busy to actually show up at the game, or do a blue tuesday blog post.  But then I remember that you are not my children that are emotionally dependent on me.  at least not all of you.  and that it will be ok because there are approximately 45 trillion design blogs out there.   And at least i don't have actual children.....that need food and water (i'm assuming you water children, once a day i hear).  I was telling my mom last night that I don't know what I would do if I was a new mom...or an old mom...right now.  My mind is 100% on SFAS and the more I think about it, the better the show is.  So if I had kids, either the show or the kid would get less attention and one of them would suffer because of it - and it would probably be the show - cause those kid things are real, real cute and I love to cuddle with little mini people.


http://stylebyemilyhenderson.com

Real Simple

Real Simple 

Life is slowly becoming simpler. I go to work. I come home. I do dishes and clean bathrooms and do laundry. I take Lucy outside. I wait for Nate to come home. On rare beautiful days, Nate comes home about the same time I do and we snuggle. When people say, "So what do you and Nate like to do?" I have to bite my lips to keep from saying, "Snuggling." Because truly that is what we like to do. I guess when we are not so busy we will develop more hobbies. But right now it's work, sleep and snuggle. We eat occasionally too. Quick delicious meals Nate cooks up in our little kitchen with the stained limited-space counter top. (Stained such as it's been burnt and spilled on). (Oh, and Nate's quite a chef - I was kidding about the occasionally eating part.) We cash our paychecks and slowly dig ourselves out of the hole being newlyweds and students and slightly irresponsible all at the same time threw us into, besides paying our bills and mortgage and buying groceries and some other necessary and unnecessary stuff. We count our blessings and  take walks and go to church on Sunday and sing then and at home, and occasionally do stuff with our Financial Peace groupies. And now we are newlyweds, employed, and quite a bit more responsible. And I feel like I'm slowly recovering from the fragmentation and stress of college. And I can't say I'm not glad it's over.

So I know life will get complicated soon. And I know maybe we won't reach all our financial goals as quickly as we like to dream (such as how quickly we want to pay off all our debt). But it's good to dream. And work hard, and appreciate this quiet now.

Lorene knows what This Quiet Now really means. She'll understand.

more feathery thoughts

"If I had a million dollars, I would still buy Sonia Kashuk makeup." I said to my friend.

"If I had a million dollars, I would still shop at thrift stores." She replied.

This was a new line of thought. Instead of, "If I had a million dollars, I would go to Italy," kind of thoughts, we were talking about what frugal things we would do that we had discovered were fun and money-saving that we would continue, if we should ever be so fortunate as to have a million dollars.

And that's the great thing about people who slowly grow wealth because they save, I mused. By the time they get there, they have all these habits that they might as well continue. Looking for online coupons before I check out, budgeting on a straight and narrow line, waiting for the Kohl's 15-30% off emails before I buy, and then buying from the 70% off rack. These are all things I could do on any budget. (They just happen to fit our current budget very well!).

I don't know if I share my friend's sentiments about thrift stores yet however. Looking at thrift stores requires a special talent that I haven't yet acquired.

If I had a million dollars, I would buy my shoes at J. Crew. Italian leather. Oh yeah.

http://www.jcrew.com/womens_feature/NewArrivals/shoes/PRDOVR~32009/32009.jsp

So I guess I'm not Waiting any more

I started this blog to blog what I did while I put my focus off of looking for a job on to more exciting things. But now I found a job. That was a lot shorter than I thought it would be. So is this my job blog now? I don't know.

Cooking and Colors

So not concentrating so much on looking for a job has created time to just be me. And when you're done with college and you've actually learned to play the violin to an artistic fulfilling sort of satisfaction (meaning I'll never arrive where I want to be, but I play for pleasure and art and that's beautiful) and you're not sure what you're going to do with the rest of your life, you invite new things in that you once didn't have time or creative energy for.


As you all know I've always hated cooking. Nate's the chef, and a good one. He cooked. I cleaned. Worked perfectly. He loved it. I loved it. But he's been super busy with the busy season of home improvement sales (Home Depot) and I've been bored. And creatively unfulfilled, which leaves a big vacuum. Maybe it was also Gordon Ramsay's Master Chef television series, or even Kitchen Nightmares (could that inspire someone to cook?). Or maybe it was when my first issue of Real Simple came in the mail (a birthday present from Nate - mag sub about anything from fashion to food and SOOO interesting) and it had about 10 full color spreads of four weeks of menus and shopping lists. So I jotted down what I would need for 3 meals (I figured that would easily stretch to 5 or more for us) and Nate picked them up in our weekly shopping trip. (Yes, he also does the grocery shopping. What a guy, huh?) I made sure all meals centered around the same meat, which we already had. The best part? These meals are super easy and fast, super healthy and somewhat exotic, so they're way more fun that the meatloaf and potato you might have grown up with. Such as greek meatballs with feta and tomatoes and cukes. And some kid of exotic taco that I'm going to make tonight. And everything is drizzled with lemon juice and olive oil and you feel very good after you eat it. 


So I finally got bitten with a cooking bug. But I'm not going to be cooking for any large crowds or anything you know? Not just yet. Just havin' fun in my kitchen for Nate and I.


I've enjoyed reading some design blogs about graphic design, interior design and beauty and fashion. Actually if anyone knows any good ones about beauty and fashion, that would be great. Here's a list of sites and blogs I follow:


soniakashuk.com/blog


thebrasspetal.blogspot.com


designspongeonline.com


There you go. Beauty, interior design, all kinds of design. And Emily Henderson's blog also doubles as a fashion blog since she picks up so much inspiration from the world of fashion.


Also check out my new design blog! :)


bronzeandgrey.blogspot.com


Where you can see some great spaces and read about my new love affair with the color purple. (Especially when mixed with taupes and greys).


Have a lovely colorful week!

So Tuesday and Wednesday were two good days. And here's why.

Tuesday I took this online assessment that was to qualify you to work at home as a customer sales rep. It was very cool and very well done. And they had these fake customer phone calls and you had to try to answer them. You had to prove how tech savvy you were by finding the right links and tabs to answer their question, and you had to choose answers and it was really fun to see their reactions. If you picked the wrong answer, they'd get angry. If you picked the right one, they'd calm down. And I got a really good sense of what it would be like to work from home like that and it was very cool. So while I was dreaming about that....

I got an mail from an advertising agency in Lancaster (Dean Design) requesting an interview!!! I was so excited to hear back from them cause I had given up. So that was a little more exciting than the phone thing, but I was still excited about them, as I am a very impressionable distractable person. So I was thinking, hmmmm, these are two very exciting opportunities. But of course one is much smart and more exciting and more creative than the other. So I think if I shall have to pick between the two of them, I shall know which one to choose.

The next day, in keeping with my stop-looking-for-a-job-but-start-networking plan, I went to my first Mechanicsburg Business Women's Luncheon. And to my surprise, I LOVED it. I met one cool chic named Rachel Strella, and she might have some interesting connections for me to start my new business. And I also met the editor of Harrisburg Mag.

And in the evening I went to a quarter auction - which I've never done before. And it turned out to be a weird sort of Bingo, which I've also never done before. And I spent three whole dollars of quarters (haha, bit of sarcasm there) throwing quarters into a cup and holding up my paddle but of course my number was never called so I didn't win the Avon mani-pedi deluxe kit (that's what I was praying I would win) and I didn't win the pink necklace or the tea basket or the bronzer and brush from Skincare Makeup or the Perfectly Nude Eyeshadow Collection from the same company. That's a lot of quarters (not really). And I didn't have anything to donate or display either, but it was fun and we shall see if I go again. Hmmm....we shall see.

So what is on my mind this morning?.....hmm....I'd love to redo tres chic's website. That's what I'm thinking.

Here's to a lady with great design style

http://thebrasspetal.blogspot.com/

Emily is beautiful inside and out and her interior design inspires me. Interior design always ends up inspiring my graphic design. Thank you for sharing these photos, Emily.

Yes two in a Day

Because I have an interview on Monday and have to tell people (if indeed there are any people yet reading this blog) about it.

I am very excited about it. But also realistically unexcited. And if it works out, Thank you Kathy Hettinga.

~Marisa

My Real Life

My post yesterday was about Josh Groban's song, Hidden Away. I could relate to it because I feel hidden right now.

And today in the Holy Bible I read the words, "Set your sights on the realities of heaven...for you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God." The words of Scripture, like they often do, catch you off guard, startle you, rearrange your thinking, perspective and priorities. So here I am feeling like I am totally in a valley of creativity and activity (meaning there is little creativity and activity) and wondering what good I'm doing anyone or anything and I'm reminded that my REAL LIFE is hidden, like a precious secret and treasure, inside of Jesus Christ. So if you believe those sorts of things then, what's happening that my five senses can see is not what's REALLY happening. Which sounds sort of crazy, but hey, who am I to argue with God? And it's a good thing that what's REALLY happening in my REAL LIFE isn't only what I see with my eyes right now. Cause right now I'm wearing pink socks and brown leather shoes, which is not how I would dress if anything important was going on today. It's more of a reminder that I don't care how I look because nothing important IS happening today. Not even the manicure I so happily scheduled. I had to cancel that because I realized I had just cut all my nails off violin-player style and there was not much to manicure. So anyway, what's really going on in the cosmos and in my life and in eternity because of my life is entirely different than this quiet, partly untidy house and the obnoxious pink socks with pink spots.

Of course God doesn't intend for us to stay in the valleys. I know that. I've always come out of them. So I'm looking forward to the next  climb. Which will happen because God is awesome.

And don't think I'm just sitting here in the valley either waiting for something magical to happen. I'm not. On Wednesday I'm going to a new business meeting and feeling things out. And I have a few other ideas up my sleeve.

Rescued by a Song

So it's my first day at home after three weeks of a temp assignment. And I'm thinking, yeah I can do this. I can be at home and do this not looking for a job thing. And meeting with people and spending some time thinking and praying and finding useful and fun things to do - such as volunteering or spending more time with friends or networking groups.

And by 2:00 in the afternoon I was like, "I can't do this." I want to apply for every job I see. I want to walk the Carlisle Pike and apply for jobs. But I don't. Cause I'm tired of that.

And then I saw a link to Josh Groban's new single "Hidden Away", and clicked on it and listened to the song. Songs are good. They make the world seem alive when it seems very dead. 

So my ideas are: giving piano and violin ideas, writing, blogging, freelancing. Making soap and selling it at flea markets. Buying things on flea markets and reselling on ebay. That would be fun.

And I'm all over the place and am having trouble being quiet inside and resting. 

So soon I'll do some of the not so lonely things. Like meeting with friends and volunteering or something.

And trusting that the way will be made for me.

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune
Without the words
And never stops at all.

As any of you who know know.

But I can't blog when my house needs cleaning, soooo

I'll be back.

Better. At least the downstairs is vacuumed and dusted and the laundry is on its way etc.

So anyway I'm unemployed. And it's been a rocky road. Four months plus of looking, applying, rewriting resumes and cover letters, doing temp work, and riding a roller coaster nowhere fast. And looking back over the last fourmonths, I realize it's all I've done. I haven't accomplished anything else.

And I also realize I'm paralyzed. I honestly don't know what to do next. The only jobs that contact me are the ones where I end up hearing, "sorry, overqualified." So why don't the other ones, the ones I'm not overqualified for, get back to me?

Well OK, one or two have. In State College and Philadelphia.

I can't move. My job has to be here in the economically overdriven happy city of Harrisburg, which, as you all know, has a very progressive driven innovative vibe.

So do I start my own thing? Freelance? Or pick another career direction to follow with all my heart, such as accounting or cosmetology? To clarify - I haven't only been looking for graphic designs. Graphic design jobs are only a handful of the jobs I've applied for, as there aren't many graphic design jobs in Harrisburg right now. Problem is, it's the majority of experience and education on my resume. And when employers see it, they say, "Sorry, you'll just leave as soon as you find a graphic design job."

And I say "No I won't! Stop that. Don't tell me what I'm going to do. Or, ok, maybe I WOULD leave if I found a graphic design job, but that won't happen for years. I'm sure. You gotta believe me." Voice trails off in confusion. OK I don't actually say all that, but you get the idea.

One company said I was overqualified. I was temping for this company. Guess what they did? Got a temp to fill in the position I applied for until they find the right one. I'm thinking, I'm already temping here. What about me? Cause my temp assignment was done that day.

If I didn't need money, I would just scribble on my Wacom tablet and upload designs to Vista and istock.

But I do, people, I do. And I'm not just a designer.

I can't lie and say I'm NOT a designer. I don't think I can remove every evidence of design from my resume, but you can be a designer and an accountant, or IT technician. Just like you can be a musician and a retail clerk. Or a writer and a teacher. That's life.

But right now, I'm lost, cause nobody will give me a chance to be any of those things.